There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
