i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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