That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
