Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
