Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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