I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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