i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
