So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just cropdusted the office
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
