in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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