Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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