The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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