that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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