A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
