When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
