There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
