some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
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It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
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We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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