This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
