Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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