Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
