he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
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Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
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So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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