So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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