i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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