I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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