Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
