Cold hands, warm shart.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
