So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
