Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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