i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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