we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
