the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
