Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We don't watch enough power rangers
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
