are you still at the devil's house?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
