There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I forget how to act sober
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
