I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
