So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
