Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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