It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
