Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
