got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
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The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
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She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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