I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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