they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
