I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
