Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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