I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
