oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
