i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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