Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
