Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
