Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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