I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
