I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I am one with the molecules
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
