I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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