I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
