dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
vagina is talking i cant
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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