Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
