Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
