Moan for me like Helen Keller
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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