lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
