he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
