I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
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