Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
