If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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