some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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