The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
