yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
