I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
