Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
