You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
