if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
