just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
