i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
