does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
