That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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